Tag Archives: dating

It’s All About Our Choices

modern princessLife opens, responds and gives way to those courageous enough to make a choice. Our society is riddled with distractions and opportunities to remain indecisive. We become paralyzed to the point we cannot make the simplest choice. Decisions are the open door to change. You have to make a choice, even if you look back to realize it could have been done differently.

In Latin, the word choice is ‘electio’ and means the engagement of free will. It also speaks of assessing options and being willing to move forward. This doesn’t mean we sit back and wait to see how things turn out before we make decisions. Instead, we are eagerly seeking out information because we are ready to move forward.

In the opening scene of Act III of Hamlet, Shakespeare approaches the biggest and most grand subject of all; To be or not to be. Life hinges on the answers and choice that will immediately follow. Within the following lines reveals a conflict at the base of humanity. From them, some have misunderstood what choosing is all about. There are two major myths that have aroused surrounding our choice to be or not to be.

The first is that my being is somehow subjected to someone else’s actions or decisions. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Your life is your business. You never needed to wait on someone to give you permission, allow you or give you access. At any moment, you can shift the direction of your life with a choice. The great lie has been you were not enough.

The second myth is that my being will come about without any backlash, effort or awkwardness. The reality is your decision to be isn’t easy. That’s why some choose not to be. When you evolve into your authentic self, you do so through many growing pains. It’s uncomfortable, you struggle to find your own footing. But once you do, it is very difficult to go back to the old ways.

Here are some simple ways to activate and develop your personal chooser:

Acknowledge that you alone hold the responsibility for how your life will turn out: We live in a time when it’s far too easy to play the blame game. When you meet most people they insist on repeating all the excuses of why things are the way they are. It was their father, their teachers, their boss or their spouse. The real and raw reality is we give our power away every time we blame someone else. Life expands for the person with the guts to own the space of life they have. You can’t move forward without it.

Get the facts and face them: There is a place for positive affirmations. But no affirmation is meant to take the place of you looking at what is wrong. You can’t use affirmations to trick yourself into thinking things are better than they are. If life sucks right now, admit it, own it and then face it. Once this is done, you can strategize for a better tomorrow. Anything else is just spraying air freshener in a room you refuse to remove the trash from.

Pull the trigger: This is where the rubber meets the road! Do something. It’s easier to steer a car in gear and rolling than one that is sitting still. Don’t be the person who sits paralyzed by a million options; which is just a procrastinator’s way of doing nothing. Get off your butt and make something happen. Even if it is the wrong thing, at least you have the momentum of an action.

Although our daily lives don’t end in the dramatic fashion as did Hamlet. I dare think our choices while important, aren’t always life and death either. Developing a mature and well-balanced “chooser” in a time when most are content with being stagnant can be the key to a more satisfying life. So stand up and trust your gut. The best of your days can be just one choice away.

Changing relationships one princess at a time,

Early Jackson

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Broken Cycles

Broken CyclesLife has a funny way of making certain things cyclical until we finally get the message. What we equate to bad luck, a rut or even a terrible life is really nothing more than an internal cycle of events designed to teach us a lesson. I like to call this “The Process.” My definition of process is a series of operations that produce a finished product. I actually find it comforting to go through the process. Why? Well, I’m not crazy, that’s for sure. But below the surface you begin to realize that cheap things don’t go through a process. So if you are finding yourself in this state, it is only because you carry extreme value.

Think about expensive furniture or a well-constructed piece of clothing. If it came from quality, it has to go through the process. Fine leathers, exotic woods or precious metals aren’t just taken from their source and handed to a consumer. There are several steps it must go through. Items that last long enough to pass on to your grandchildren have gone through a process to ensure their value will remain high. But on the other hand, that bag or pair of shoes that you grabbed for next to nothing will barely last the season. What’s even funnier is when you go the cheaper route, you end up paying more in the long run. Life, love and dealing with ourselves can be a lot like this.

I’ve heard it said, “When you truly know your worth you will stop giving everyone discounts.” I fell in love with this quote years ago as I began expanding my field as an empowerment coach to women. It rang true day in and day out as I sat and heard women from all walks of life and backgrounds “self” diagnosis themselves as “broken.” Broken? Really? Who told you that? Most had been beaten down emotionally by someone so selfish that they began to echo what they heard. Calling yourself broken by another’s definition is probably the highest form of sabotage you can perform on yourself. That would mean that the person or situation was so strong it had the ability to alter your process. And that’s just not true! I believe no one or thing can break us from the inside out. Don’t get me wrong, circumstances can and will affect us. At times, they may even injure us. But nothing can cause us to deteriorate from an external point of view.

Let’s look at it like this. Every woman is a seed waiting to explode with potential. And just like a seed, when the time comes there is a process that begins at its core. While covered with dirt, far beneath the surface great work is happening. In the dark places where no one can view, internal shifts create momentum. What no one knows is that you’re giving birth to all that lives within. From the outside it may seem like a breakdown. But it is really the necessary steps to get you to your greatness!

In Latin, the word germinate comes from “germinare” and gives the idea of something coming from a deep place and sprouting forward. Interestingly it does not mean to make something become that never was. But more of a revealing of what was hidden. That should lend hope and empowerment to every woman reading this. Stop trying to become what you’re not. You were designed and taken through the process to have a sort of coming out party for the world to see who and what you’ve always been. You were made perfect, don’t waste time being a cheap imitation.

The seed then sacrifices looking pretty and well put together to move from potential to production. And it all started with a process. How many ladies have been misjudged because they processed their journey publicly? Society can be relentless in its stereotypes. From reality TV, magazines and social media, we’ve been brainwashed to believe you should live a pristine life with no hiccups. That’s an absolute lie. Your journey gets messy. You miss the mark. You blow it. And so what! If you could ask a seed how the experience of growth was, it would tell you it was hell. But it was all worth it. When you know that what’s in you is bigger than the place you’ve been planted, you learn to embrace every step of the process.

Maybe we’ve looked at being broken the wrong way this whole time. We have spent millions and wasted countless hours striving to fit into a label that was flawed. Instead of hiding mistakes and the rough patches of our journey, I say celebrate them. Perhaps broken was simply the vehicle intended to reveal the best parts of you. The parts that no ex-lover, no abuser or critic could ever imagine. I love the way poet Dee Rees puts it in the closing lines of one of her poems:

Running is not a choice from the breaking
Breaking is freeing
Broken is freedom
I am not broken
I’m free.

Changing relationships one princess at a time!!!

Early Jackson