4 Myths Women Believe About Men

Tiara Talk LogoThe summer of 2013 is geared up to be an action movie junkies’ dream come true. With releases from Hollywood heavy hitters like DeNiro, Smith, Hanks and Cruise, I have already prepared to beat the heat of summer in the movie theaters. As usual, I looked forward to a couple of films that were adapted from the comics. A couple of years ago was the Dark Knight’s run, 2013 was about none other than the man from Krypton, Kal-El. Most recognize him from his earth name, Clark Kent.

The Modern Princess

I can’t tell you the times I wrapped a towel from my mother’s linen closet around my neck and ran off to simulate flying. Every boy has once dreamed of being faster than a speeding bullet and more powerful than a locomotive. But somewhere between adolescence and high school our once lofty dreams approach life from a safer perspective.

There are unspoken rules of conduct that men abide by. See, the worst insult you could give a man is that he’s somehow acting less than what a ‘real’ man should. So we go through great lengths to ensure our manhood is not questioned. In this we often lose sight of transparency or being authentic. Instead we are working overtime to keep up a facade. This behavior is passed down time and time again. But as men, we can never grow pass what we refuse to confront. Here are a few ‘myths’ we carry as men of steel:

4 Myths Women (Still) Believe About Men

  1. Men don’t have feelings, therefore they cannot be hurt: This is a flat-out lie. As I often say, we have the same feelings as women with a much different expression. Any guy who says a woman has never broken his heart or let him down needs to get his head examined. As men, we are occupational while women tend to be relational. So we find our identity in what we do, not who we know.
  2. Men just don’t like to talk: The truth is, we don’t like to talk at the exact moment women do, but we do talk. We speak about things that affect us or inspire us. If you ever want to see a guy really get chatty, tap into what he’s passionate about. That’s what matters most to men.
  3. Men avoid commitment at all costs: What connects us to our manhood is how well our families are taken care of. I don’t believe I have been more ashamed or disappointed in myself than when my finances fell too short to take care of my family. I felt less than a man. Often if we have a doubt about our ability to provide, we tend to shy away from that commitment.
  4. Men never get depressed: Absolutely we do! The difference is, early in boyhood we were told, big boys don’t cry. We took that mantra to heart. In fact, we added on that big boys don’t share their emotions. We took it as a sign of weakness. But anything without a pressure valve to give release will likely explode.

I have always been fascinated with the story of Superman. Not just because of his incredible acts of heroics, but because the people closest to him never made the connection. Somehow he could come up missing, he could save their lives and spend time with them, and no one ever thought Clark was really Superman. I guess that’s appropriate. As men, we have lived the truth that it’s the other way around. Superman, was really Clark Kent all along.

See ya at the top!

Early

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I’m a guest expert for the Making Love Happen Virtual Roundtable – Join me!

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Great day empowered people!

The other day I invited you to hang out with me for the ‘Making Love Happen’ Virtual Roundtable. It’s coming up tomorrow, so if you haven’t signed up yet, do it NOW.

Sign up for the Hangout HERE.

Dr. Towanna Freeman, myself and the other love experts will be making love happensharing how to find love again following a divorce or a tragic situation. Or, if you’re already in a relationship, how to re-ignite that spark and get your groove back.

I’ll personally share why conflict in your relationship is a good thing and the common pitfalls and mistakes people make.

It’s going to be juicy.

Towanna (my friend and highly-esteemed colleague) is an award-winning author, speaker and life strategist who empowers her clients to achieve their vision through purposeful action. She’s hosting this ground-breaking, hot discussion and I’m honored to be a contributor.

If you’re looking to create an intimate, honorable relationship with someone who adores and loves you for you, then you don’t want to miss this.

Register HERE today.

See you at the TOP!
Early

3 Things Guys Do That Drive Women Nuts

3 Things Guys Do That Drive Women NutsAt 42 I look back on my past behaviors as it relates to dating and shake my head. There’s no cute way to put it, I was definitely a jerk. I shudder at the conversations I left in my wake. This all came back to my remembrance after a recent conversation with three women in an eye-glass store.

One of the three women was my wife Cherese. We’d wandered into the store just looking for some cool frames and such. As we stood at the counter discussing prices, in walks a guy with shades on. He’s actually significant in this context because we obviously missed our cue to be impressed as he whipped off his glasses in Hollywood fashion. He stood there for a second in the door way, as if to say, “I’m here!” Right out of the gate I’m sure ladies are reading this and can imagine some guy in their past. You remember, He’s the one who knows you should feel privileged he’s even directing his attention your way.

So he comes over to the counter in front of the first young lady, takes a seat and boldly asks “I’m sure you remember me right?” To which 3 Things Guys Do That Drive Women Nutsshe responded, “Should I?” This always crushes guy’s feelings. Here’s when I leaned over to my wife and kind of laughed. She knew exactly what was going on.

For the next 10 minutes we listened and laughed as he made every feeble attempt to put the moves on this poor lady. He even mentioned the fact that she should really remember him because of his striking height and features. I still don’t know how I managed to keep my lunch down.

When he finally left, feeling a bit deflated, I was privy to a high level top-secret conversation between women. I mean, some classified stuff. I immediately mentioned my new relationship book, “The Modern Princess,” which outlines three princesses with serious men issues. I asked if they’d break down both what he did wrong and what was going through their heads. As it turns out, his epic fail serves as a great object lesson in the ever confusing interactions of men and women.

  1. He walked in but they never met “him”: So I’m learning more and more how important authenticity is to ladies. If you’re looking for more than a flashy line and a few one night stands, those cheesy lines are the pits. It took me well into my twenties to value and appreciate my true self. Ladies, when a man refuses to show you who he really is, he’s obviously hiding something.
  2. He assumed she not only remembered him, but somehow was also impressed: Big mistake! A guy that seeks to superficially impress will have issues with long-term relationships. I can relate because that was me. Once the shine or newness of the relationship wore off, so did my attention. Impressing is for boys. Men seek to connect on a much deeper level.
  3. He tried to connect with her through material things: As she struggled through his advances to make an eye exam appointment, he politely dropped the fact that he drove a luxury car; it wouldn’t be an issue with day appointments because he was the “boss.” He even managed to work in that he lived in an affluent area of the city. When will we learn that a real women isn’t a gold digger, she’s a goal digger? So what we have doesn’t move their hearts anymore.

At the end of it all, we parted ways with them looking up my website to order a couple of books and us with a much welcomed laugh. But at the core, all of life is teaching a lesson. In a few moments I was able to look back at my own development and look forward to the cause in which I hope to spread through “Tiara Talk.” I want to cultivate a conversation about relationships, love and all the other B.S. so dating will be safe for my granddaughter.

See you at the TOP!
Early

From the Bar to the Bedroom: The Truth “About Last Night”

www.themodernprincess.orgIt seems my idea to slip out and catch a funny romantic comedy wasn’t so unique. In fact, I along with millions did the exact same thing over Valentine’s Day weekend. We all took in Kevin Hart alongside a star studded cast including Michael Ealy in About Last Night. Grossing just over 27 million, many agree it has done “justice” to the 1986 original which featured Rob Lowe and Demi Moore. This time around, director Steve Pink went with a comedic cast living in an upscale area of Los Angeles.

As far as plots go, About Last Night doesn’t take the viewers on an unfamiliar journey. There are a lot of things that are fairly predictable but with a cast led by Hart and his rapid fire wisecrack delivery, you will find yourself laughing out loud constantly! These four hapless lovers find themselves managing life and emotions after hooking up. What makes it even more stressful is they all rushed into it after the first date. Things escalate beyond their wildest dreams as the two couple’s watch each other implode on an epic proportion.

The Modern princessAs I watched the film, it began to remind me very closely of the situations from my latest relationship book titled The Modern Princess: A 21st Century Guide To Fairy Tale Relationships in which I talk about the plight of women in the dating world. Dating is a contact sport and sometimes there are casualties. While main characters Bernie and Joan are more evident as the volatile couples, Debbie and Danny aren’t too far behind in the “crazy” department. The movie held an underline theme of just how important our expectations, character and close friendships are on our relationships. Here are a few things I think we all can take away about relationships:

One night stands are not a healthy measuring point for relationship compatibility: Of course the movie made light of the fact that both main couples met and with their first date made the decision to hook up and immediately hooked up. In my personal and professional opinion, this is probably one of the most misleading factors in building a solid relationship. When sex is introduced too soon in the developmental processes, it muddies the senses to reality. Feelings can become amplified and taken out of context. It’s like doing the whole dating thing out of order.

You put your partner in an awkward position when you tell their friends all your business: Bernie told private details to Danny, than Danny shared them with Debbie. It was only a matter of time before Joan found out that Bernie told Danny and even Debbie knew. You get the point. In a couple, the objective is to be moving forward towards building trust and credibility with each other. When one or more parties put too much info out there it creates tension on everyone. The cycle of relationships can get ugly, and when you share everything about this to your friends, it’s going to get very messy.

In real life, major fights and differences are no joking matter: I think I laughed so hard I cried at the cursing match Bernie had with Joan when they fought. They are like the neighbors no one wants to live near. Loud, profane and merciless, they made us all think of “those couples” we all know. The deal is in real life, this is not anything to laugh about. When you’re in a situation and it gets toxic, it’s time to go. No question about it. We all argue, disagree and give each other the cold shoulder. But don’t mistake average relational ups and downs to physical and verbal abuse. You should never feel unsafe around someone you’re building a future with.

The bottom line is, if you need a good laugh and want to make fun of people totally bombing in relationships; About Last Night is the movie for you. The whole cast did an incredible job of producing material that was entertaining yet thought provoking. Although subtle, it leaves us looking at our own relationships and making sure we are at least trying to be open and honest with those we choose to be with.

Don’t forget to review and grab the book at www.themodernprincess.org

See ya at the top!

Early

How to Bounce Back After Divorce

tiara 2We live in a world fascinated with consignment. Everyone loves to get a bargain on something they consider a luxury. Some however view this same situation as ‘used’ or second-hand. No matter how you slice it, just because something or someone has a history is no reason their next days can’t be their best days.

I often share candidly the fact that I was married before. I spent nearly 10 full years with the same woman while actively participating in raising three awesome children. To some, most of those years were spent in marital bliss, but quite often we were at each other’s throats. Add in the pressures apparent in our church organization and you have a dangerous cocktail. We realized mutually that the children were to be the main factor and we were thrust into a status as divorced. This was a transition in my life I had no point of reference to go by. But ready or not, this was my reality.

Many are concerned and even bewildered with how to navigate through the explosive field of divorce. The reality is, every situation is different and must be viewed as such. What you can find is a point of reference that helps guide you along the way. For example, here are a few things I learned that may empower you if this is the season you’re in:

  • Remember no matter what, this is the person you chose to marry: Things may not be coming up roses at the moment, but at some point you professed your love to them. There is no need to go ‘Rambo’ now! This is just another evolution of yourself so go with the flow and prepare to move forward.
  • Live for today, plan for a better tomorrow: You don’t want to speak words of hurt that you cannot retract and will be forced to live with later. Many throw caution to the wind and devastate someone, only to have to come back and ask forgiveness.
  • If you have children, it’s ALL about the children now: That person that you feel you can’t stand is still your partner in parenting for the rest of your children’s lives. This means, no matter what happens, keep it civil for their sake. Nothing destroys your credibility with kids quicker than hearing the poisonous words from your broken relationship.
  • Get your own friends to vent with: It may be very tempting to share ‘grown up’ stuff with your kids. Especially if the other parent is not living up to their end of agreements, but you must not leak this into the ears of the kids. Get your own support group, go vent with adults who can separate facts from feelings and offer assistance. But DO NOT use your kids as a sounding board.

Fast forward three years and I decided to take the plunge again. This is uncharted territory for my new wife, no kids and never married. Many questioned did she really know what she was getting into? Could she handle the ‘baby momma’ drama?

These were all questions we discussed together, and along our journey we began to see a pattern for both our successes and failures. We learned that our discussions and even arguments were leaving clues of what to do, and not do. If we could simply identify these markers, we could live a life of peace, on purpose! Here are a few things we found helpful:

  • The lines of communication have to be clearly open: We found that the bulk of our disagreements came when either of us was not clear on a particular thing. It sounds simple, but it can be very difficult to remember that what you mean and what you say have to line up. If not, you leave your partner confused.
  • Make sure that outside influences do not ruin the relationship: This was a big one for me. There were times where my actions sent the signal that someone else’s opinion was great than my wife’s. I totally missed that the leading language of love is “affirmation.” And without it, she felt unsafe. When your partner doesn’t feel safe, the foundation of the union is shaky.
  • Make the investment in new customs and traditions: When my wife and I began our new relationship, we realized we both came from different family dynamics. Even the locations of our families were on opposite ends of the states. We decided very quickly that we would develop our own holiday rituals and celebrate our own way. Instead of wrestling with where are we going, and who we would spend time with, we planned fun things for us to do. This allowed us the time needed to really bond as a “blending family.”

There are many obstacles ahead of anyone who has had the misfortune of divorce. No matter how mutual, divorce is a tremendous thing. It affects both families, and children if present. If not handled, and time allotted to properly process the event, it can leave deep scars. I am grateful I sought coaching and guidance from qualified individuals to help me navigate. Although I experienced a divorce, I never lost hope in the institution of marriage. I still believe there is life, after any loss.

See you at the TOP!

Early Jackson

Welcome to February Empowered People!

tiara 2For many, this month is all about the LOVE. From movie trailers, commercials on television and the influence of family, it can be a ton of pressure. Especially if you find yourself single. I want to encourage all of you who are still in the status of “Looking for love” by offering first dibs on my new relationship book, The Modern Princess: The 21st Century Guide To Fairy Tale Relationships.

The Modern Princess

Be one of the first to get access to information that can potentially make an impact on who and how you date. My goal has always been to make dating a safe place. It’s a jungle out there and we all want to be successful. Relationships are the cornerstone of everything we do. So over the next few weeks I will be sharing extensively on how to develop a better dating environment. Here are a couple of ideals I will share to get the ball rolling.

  • Tip #1: When searching for a potential date, think about the standard you are looking for, and with that in mind, never lower them just to get a date.
  • Tip #2: How you start is how you finish. Trust your gut, if something doesn’t feel right, don’t ignore it. We are usually frustrated later because we didn’t act on what we felt we should have.
  • Tip #3: Dating is a pre-curser for marriage. It shouldn’t become a sport to see how many dates you can go on or attain. Limit yourself a little, make choices based on the type of person you could see yourself developing a strong bond with.

There are more tips to come. For now, make sure to visit my website, TheModernPrincess.org, as well as social media outlets to stay updated on local events, book signings and FREE giveaways. We are going to make dating fun and exciting again!

See you at the TOP!

Early

Official Press Release for new relationship book The Modern Princess

Here’s the deal, life and relationships are difficult! Most would agree that this is a gross understatement. It is this fact that compelled Early to write a relationship self help book. Early Jackson, CEO of New Direction Coaching Associates, is a life coach with an emphasis on Life Adjustment & Transition. 

 

 Early is acclaimed for his work as a life coach working with individuals, couples, families and professionals in designing and living extraordinary lives. Early has a special ability to build leaders, while developing people to a life of happiness, with deep, lasting satisfaction and fulfillment. As readers journey through the pages of this book one thing they are sure to learn is men and women are very different. They have different priorities, passions and outlooks. Not better or worse; just different. Relationships are about mutual sacrifice and that does not mean giving up something you love for the person you love. It is about compromising your needs while complimenting the needs of the one you love. It is not giving up as much as it is giving to. 

 

What do Belle, Dorothy and Snow White have in common? They all had issues with the men in their lives. Interestingly enough, we’ve been spoon fed these tales of relational dysfunction since the crib, so no wonder half of all marriages suffer the fate of divorce. Often it is the expectations we learn as children that dictate the outcomes of adult life. If we are to grow and develop into mature, functional adults with vibrant relationships it will take revisiting the lessons of the past to create a better tomorrow. 

 

 In this farcical yet relevant work, Life Coach Early Jackson approaches the cycle of bad relationships from a fairy tale vantage. Women learn there is not a new problem that men present. In fact, these issues are as old as the stories we heard as children. You’ll learn from the ‘Real Housewives of Fantasy Land‘, what it really takes to live “Happily ever after.” 

 

Contact New Direction Coaching Associates for your copy: 

• Online: www.earlyjacksoncoaching.com 

• Phone: 757-962-5800 

• Email: info@earlyjacksoncoaching.com