All posts by The Modern Princess

www.TheModernPrincess.org

It’s All About Our Choices

modern princessLife opens, responds and gives way to those courageous enough to make a choice. Our society is riddled with distractions and opportunities to remain indecisive. We become paralyzed to the point we cannot make the simplest choice. Decisions are the open door to change. You have to make a choice, even if you look back to realize it could have been done differently.

In Latin, the word choice is ‘electio’ and means the engagement of free will. It also speaks of assessing options and being willing to move forward. This doesn’t mean we sit back and wait to see how things turn out before we make decisions. Instead, we are eagerly seeking out information because we are ready to move forward.

In the opening scene of Act III of Hamlet, Shakespeare approaches the biggest and most grand subject of all; To be or not to be. Life hinges on the answers and choice that will immediately follow. Within the following lines reveals a conflict at the base of humanity. From them, some have misunderstood what choosing is all about. There are two major myths that have aroused surrounding our choice to be or not to be.

The first is that my being is somehow subjected to someone else’s actions or decisions. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Your life is your business. You never needed to wait on someone to give you permission, allow you or give you access. At any moment, you can shift the direction of your life with a choice. The great lie has been you were not enough.

The second myth is that my being will come about without any backlash, effort or awkwardness. The reality is your decision to be isn’t easy. That’s why some choose not to be. When you evolve into your authentic self, you do so through many growing pains. It’s uncomfortable, you struggle to find your own footing. But once you do, it is very difficult to go back to the old ways.

Here are some simple ways to activate and develop your personal chooser:

Acknowledge that you alone hold the responsibility for how your life will turn out: We live in a time when it’s far too easy to play the blame game. When you meet most people they insist on repeating all the excuses of why things are the way they are. It was their father, their teachers, their boss or their spouse. The real and raw reality is we give our power away every time we blame someone else. Life expands for the person with the guts to own the space of life they have. You can’t move forward without it.

Get the facts and face them: There is a place for positive affirmations. But no affirmation is meant to take the place of you looking at what is wrong. You can’t use affirmations to trick yourself into thinking things are better than they are. If life sucks right now, admit it, own it and then face it. Once this is done, you can strategize for a better tomorrow. Anything else is just spraying air freshener in a room you refuse to remove the trash from.

Pull the trigger: This is where the rubber meets the road! Do something. It’s easier to steer a car in gear and rolling than one that is sitting still. Don’t be the person who sits paralyzed by a million options; which is just a procrastinator’s way of doing nothing. Get off your butt and make something happen. Even if it is the wrong thing, at least you have the momentum of an action.

Although our daily lives don’t end in the dramatic fashion as did Hamlet. I dare think our choices while important, aren’t always life and death either. Developing a mature and well-balanced “chooser” in a time when most are content with being stagnant can be the key to a more satisfying life. So stand up and trust your gut. The best of your days can be just one choice away.

Changing relationships one princess at a time,

Early Jackson

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Broken Cycles

Broken CyclesLife has a funny way of making certain things cyclical until we finally get the message. What we equate to bad luck, a rut or even a terrible life is really nothing more than an internal cycle of events designed to teach us a lesson. I like to call this “The Process.” My definition of process is a series of operations that produce a finished product. I actually find it comforting to go through the process. Why? Well, I’m not crazy, that’s for sure. But below the surface you begin to realize that cheap things don’t go through a process. So if you are finding yourself in this state, it is only because you carry extreme value.

Think about expensive furniture or a well-constructed piece of clothing. If it came from quality, it has to go through the process. Fine leathers, exotic woods or precious metals aren’t just taken from their source and handed to a consumer. There are several steps it must go through. Items that last long enough to pass on to your grandchildren have gone through a process to ensure their value will remain high. But on the other hand, that bag or pair of shoes that you grabbed for next to nothing will barely last the season. What’s even funnier is when you go the cheaper route, you end up paying more in the long run. Life, love and dealing with ourselves can be a lot like this.

I’ve heard it said, “When you truly know your worth you will stop giving everyone discounts.” I fell in love with this quote years ago as I began expanding my field as an empowerment coach to women. It rang true day in and day out as I sat and heard women from all walks of life and backgrounds “self” diagnosis themselves as “broken.” Broken? Really? Who told you that? Most had been beaten down emotionally by someone so selfish that they began to echo what they heard. Calling yourself broken by another’s definition is probably the highest form of sabotage you can perform on yourself. That would mean that the person or situation was so strong it had the ability to alter your process. And that’s just not true! I believe no one or thing can break us from the inside out. Don’t get me wrong, circumstances can and will affect us. At times, they may even injure us. But nothing can cause us to deteriorate from an external point of view.

Let’s look at it like this. Every woman is a seed waiting to explode with potential. And just like a seed, when the time comes there is a process that begins at its core. While covered with dirt, far beneath the surface great work is happening. In the dark places where no one can view, internal shifts create momentum. What no one knows is that you’re giving birth to all that lives within. From the outside it may seem like a breakdown. But it is really the necessary steps to get you to your greatness!

In Latin, the word germinate comes from “germinare” and gives the idea of something coming from a deep place and sprouting forward. Interestingly it does not mean to make something become that never was. But more of a revealing of what was hidden. That should lend hope and empowerment to every woman reading this. Stop trying to become what you’re not. You were designed and taken through the process to have a sort of coming out party for the world to see who and what you’ve always been. You were made perfect, don’t waste time being a cheap imitation.

The seed then sacrifices looking pretty and well put together to move from potential to production. And it all started with a process. How many ladies have been misjudged because they processed their journey publicly? Society can be relentless in its stereotypes. From reality TV, magazines and social media, we’ve been brainwashed to believe you should live a pristine life with no hiccups. That’s an absolute lie. Your journey gets messy. You miss the mark. You blow it. And so what! If you could ask a seed how the experience of growth was, it would tell you it was hell. But it was all worth it. When you know that what’s in you is bigger than the place you’ve been planted, you learn to embrace every step of the process.

Maybe we’ve looked at being broken the wrong way this whole time. We have spent millions and wasted countless hours striving to fit into a label that was flawed. Instead of hiding mistakes and the rough patches of our journey, I say celebrate them. Perhaps broken was simply the vehicle intended to reveal the best parts of you. The parts that no ex-lover, no abuser or critic could ever imagine. I love the way poet Dee Rees puts it in the closing lines of one of her poems:

Running is not a choice from the breaking
Breaking is freeing
Broken is freedom
I am not broken
I’m free.

Changing relationships one princess at a time!!!

Early Jackson

25 Things Fathers ‎Should Tell Their Daughters

As Father’s Day approaches, this time of year can be both a period of celebration and frustrated reflection. For some, they either have had or are currently involved in a healthy relationship with their father, but for others, this time of year can bring to the surface some crippling memories. While the world pauses to celebrate dads it seemed like the perfect time to ask Life Coach Early Jackson, who is the author of a book written exclusively for women, to expound on his thoughts about fathers and daughters, and how they relate to each other.

Fathers intrinsically communicate with their daughters differently than their sons. For most men, they are “training” their sons for manhood. They understand all too well the trappings and struggles of navigating being a man. They have gone through countless situations and spend a great deal of their time conveying this to their sons.

Their daughters are an entirely different situation. For them, it is often nothing but love; dotting over them, protecting them and showering them with affection. This works pretty well when there is both a male and female presence in the home, because it provides the necessary balance for well-rounded parenting.

Mothers are almost always the opposite of their counterparts. They tend to pour affection over their son but sees time spent with their daughter an opportunity to “train” them for womanhood. Just like fathers, mothers invest a lot time helping their daughters understand what it is like to struggle and succeed as a woman.

A father’s love for his daughter, in conjunction with his interactions with her, have the biggest influence in what type of woman she will become. The answers rendered from the man who wrote, “Every girl is born a princess, and every father knows this the second they see them” in his book titled, The Modern Princess: A 21st Century Guide To Fairy Tale Relationships, were powerful and necessary for the well-being of every girl who yearns for the love of a father.

Here are 25 important things Jackson, my husband, said were important principles he tried to communicate to three daughters, two of which are now well into adulthood.

  1. I am a man and I will not pretend to know everything about you
  2. My past mistakes with women make me nervous about you
  3. Your body developing scares the hell out of me
  4. Girls are going to be mean at times, screw them
  5. Your brothers are not more important, just different
  6. Boys can be stupid, do not let it get to you
  7. It is okay to feel awkward
  8. There will come a time when you will not feel that close to me, but I will still be here
  9. You are going to blow it, but I have always got your back
  10. I am not your friend, I am your dad
  11. Sorry, but you will always be my little princess
  12. Avoid miserable people, that stuff is contagious
  13. It is perfectly fine to wait to explore sex
  14. ‎Your heart can easily be fooled, so use your head
  15. Bad boys do not always change
  16. If you have morals, you are going to have some lonely times
  17. Fear is a liar, so follow your dreams
  18. You are going to want to leave the nest, it will hurt but I will be okay
  19. It is important that you can see integrity in the guy you choose
  20. You are going to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince
  21. If I seem a bit hard on you, it is only because I want to see you grow
  22. Your worth has nothing to do with your body type
  23. You will know he is the one because you will hear him with your heart
  24. It is a mistake to compare a potential mate to me, whether for good or bad
  25. You are always welcome back home

Being a father is not an easy job. Yes, there are great rewards to parenting but it definitely comes with challenges. Men love watching their son transition into manhood but many also admit that having daughters is one of their greatest joys. Raising girls in a day where the world seems so sensual can be scary, however the relationship a father has with his little girl can make a world of difference as she combats all the superficial crap society constantly throws in her face.

Fathers have a tremendous ability and responsibility to influence the lives of their daughters. The manner in which a father treats his daughter will shape how she views herself and her expectations on how a man should treat her. These truths from Jackson are just the tip of the iceberg, but are a great start for any man with the desire to give his daughter the necessary tools to become a confident, self-sufficient and disciplined woman. Remember, she may find a prince someday, but a great father will always be her king.

3 Things Guys Should Never Do To Get A Date

Early Jackson 2013At 42 I look back on my past behaviors as it relates to dating and shake my head. There’s no cute way to put it, I was definitely a jerk. I shudder at the conversations I left in my wake. This all came back to my remembrance after a recent conversation with three women in an eye glass store. One of the three women was my wife Cherese. We’d wandered into the store just looking for some cool frames and such. As we stood at the counter discussing prices, in walks a guy with shades on. He’s actually significant in this context because we obviously missed our cue to be impressed as he whipped off his glasses in Hollywood fashion. He stood there for a second in the door way, as if to say, “I’m here!” Right out of the gate I’m sure ladies are reading this and can imagine some guy in their past. You remember, He’s the one who knows you should feel privileged he’s even directing his attention your way. So he comes over to the counter in front of the first young lady, takes a seat and boldly asks “I’m sure you remember me right?” To which she responded, “Should I?” This always crushes guy’s feelings. Here’s when I leaned over to my wife and kind of laughed. She knew exactly what was going on. For the next 10 minutes we listened and laughed as he made every feeble attempt to put the moves on this poor lady. He even mentioned the fact that she should really remember him because of his striking height and features. I still don’t know how I managed to keep my lunch down. When he finally left, feeling a bit deflated, I was privy to a high level top secret conversation between women. I mean, some classified stuff. I immediately mentioned my new relationship book, “The Modern Princess,” which outlines three princesses with serious men issues. I asked if they’d break down both what he did wrong and what was going through their heads. As it turns out, his epic fail serves as a great object lesson in the ever confusing interactions of men and women. (1) He walked in but they never met “him”: So I’m learning more and more how important authenticity is to ladies. If you’re looking for more than a flashy line and a few one night stands, those cheesy lines are the pits. It took me well into my twenties to value and appreciate my true self. Ladies, when a man refuses to show you who he really is, he’s obviously hiding something. Anyone can impress within the context of a Vine video, 120 characters or a retouched Facebook photo. But real, lasting relationships are born out of authentic, in-person interaction. (2) He assumed she not only remembered him, but somehow was impressed: Big mistake! A guy that seeks to superficially impress will have issues with long term relationships. I can relate because that was me. Once the shine or newness of the relationship wore off, so did my attention. Impressing is for boys. Men seek to connect on a much deeper level. And please remember ladies, if he has to tell you he’s a ‘boss’, he’s NOT! (3) He tried to connect with her through material things: As she struggled through his advances to make an eye exam appointment, he politely dropped the fact that he drove a luxury car; it wouldn’t be an issue with day appointments because he was the “boss.” He even managed to work in that he lived in an affluent area of the city. When will we learn that a real women isn’t a gold digger, she’s a goal digger? So what we have doesn’t move their hearts anymore. At the end of it all, we parted ways with them looking up my website to order a couple of books and us with a much welcomed laugh. But at the core, all of life is teaching a lesson. In a few moments I was able to look back at my own development and look forward to the cause in which I hope to spread through “Tiara Talk.” I want to cultivate a conversation about relationships, love and all the other B.S. so dating will be safe for my granddaughter. See you at the TOP! Early

How to Know If You Are Dating the Right Guy

cropped-tiara-talk-one.jpg

In recent months I have had a ton of inquiries from ladies looking to invest in relationship coaching. The really interesting thing is these ladies are for the most part single. It is encouraging to know that people are looking to take their relationships to the next level and understand that coaching is an invaluable way to do that. If a professional athlete employs the abilities of a private trainer to gain an edge on the playing field, how much more can we obtain the relationship of our dreams by partnering with experienced and knowledgeable coaches in the industry?

One of the main themes of my conversations with them centers around one question; how do I know I am dating or about to get serious with the “right one?” Well that’s a loaded question and I want to share, from my perspective, a window into my answers.

First, anyone can know when they are connecting to the person they should be by this simple test. Ask yourself, Am I the best “me” when I am with them? In other words, are you feeling the freedom to be your true authentic self when you’re with them? If not, no matter how you shape it up, that’s probably NOT the guy for you.

Here are four (4) easy signs to look for when determining if he is “The One”

1. He knows what you need manifested to experience love: This is a biggie! Back a few years ago Gary Chapman penned an incredible book called The Five Languages of Love to help couples identify their dominant “Love Language.” Ground breaking at its time, this work allowed couples to discuss and dig into which style of love works best for them. Whether gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service or through physical touch, each person has a way they prefer to be loved. If you have someone who refuses to give you what you need, begging won’t bend their heart.

2. Your dreams are nurtured and encouraged: Your voice matters. Anyone that tells you differently is absolutely wrong. The second we are born there is a room full of doctors and nurses waiting to hear your voice. This signifies we are not only “here” but healthy and well. Throughout our childhood, there are several tests administered to ensure we can hear and speak correctly. If you’re in a relationship and he doesn’t value and even encourage you to dream big, you may need to make a change soon. A secure man who knows himself will always be on the side of super sizing his mate’s aspirations. After all, you two reflect each other in so many ways he would want you to be successful and fulfilled too.

3. You guys fight, but you never go to war: Fighting is one thing; war is a totally different reality. You’re supposed to fight. Fighting simply means you two came to a difference of opinions and now you’re trying to find the “middle.” Fighting also means there is a bit of friction in an area that must be addressed properly. It can serve as a spotlight to find potential roadblocks along the way. War however, is about winners and losers. It’s about alienating the other person and plundering their confidence. You DO NOT go to war with someone you love. Period. If he can launch a full scale war against you during a fight, he has shown you how little you mean to him.

4. Your family and friends can see you flourish in the relationship: As you date and grow closer to a person, learn to balance the opinions of trusted family and close friends. I am not saying hang your whole heart on what people are saying, but pay attention to it at least. If everyone is saying this guy is sneaky or a flirt, don’t dismiss it! You can get a very useful baseline of your guy by how others interact with him. Often we have created blind spots because our hearts wants what it wants. Period. But you would be a fool to ignore the warning signs others see who are outside of love’s powerful blinders.

Just like anything else, love and relationships require a learning curve. You can vastly improve your chances for success by adhering to the signs. People say that experience is the best teacher, but I think that’s a lot of B.S. I have learned that experience is an expensive and time consuming teacher. If you are able to learn from someone else’s experiences and grow from them, you have just saved yourself time, energy of plenty of heart aches along your journey to the relationship of your dreams.

 

 

See ya at the top!
Early Jackson

http://www.themodernprincess.org

Love Life Under Construction [With Video]

#ModernPrincessI recently did some promo shooting for my new relationship book, The Modern Princess: A 21st Century Guide To Fairy Tale Relationships. As I met with the production team we settled on a location in our offices that were still being remodeled. The primes was a two part shoot showing both the section under construction and the remodeled portion. I instantly recognized a few vital keys to relationships especially when things seem to be going through a remodeling stage.

Here’s the real deal, we all bring a certain amount of crap and debris with us into any relationship. It’s just a fact of life. Where we have been and who we were connected to play a major role in shaping our belief system about love. That in turn develops our tendencies and affects our current relationships. It is going to take some construction, or as I like to put it, a “process” to really prepare for new love.

I love the word process because I have learned it simply means a series of procedures to produce a finished product. Notice it is a series of things that bring about a finished product. This means anything worth having; any one worth loving must go through their own process to be ready to receive it. That’s the difference between authentic and fake. Authentic things are costly because they’ve endured a process. Now they have lasting power. Things that are authentic can be passed on to grandchildren as heirlooms. But not the cheap stuff!

Being under construction means three (3) things:

  1. You will have to move some things around: You know how it is when you have a space in your home neatly put together, only to discover there are some flooring or pipe issues. So now you have to disturb your little set up and move things around. It totally disrupts your flow. You had it all together, but things beyond your control required you to make moves. In love it is the same way. If you are ever going to connect with someone on a deeper level, it will take you going through some self construction. To those around you it appears you have it all together, but you know there is a lot of work to be done behind the scenes.
  2. It requires time to clean up: Ok you are knee deep into a project only to realize you are making just a big of a mess as the one you’re trying to fix. That’s OK. You are in the process and that can get messy. When you start moving things around in the home, you find dirt and grime you didn’t know you had. So it is in love. You move things around in your heart and there will be piles of junk hiding everywhere. Deal with it. Now is the time to sweep the floors and get some dusting done.
  3. At times, it will inconvenience you and others: When you are remodeling, you may have to use a neighbor’s bathroom or even spend a few nights at a hotel. Its par for the course. So you can expect some inconveniences that go along with remodeling your love life as well. People that used to benefit from your dysfunctions will now have to get their kicks another way. You won’t be available for their junk. Your own heart will even hurt at times. Why? Because you’re used to a certain response from a mate. But remember, if you do what you’ve always done you’re bound to get what you’ve always gotten.

The awesomeness of a remodel is this; once it’s done its time to throw a party. Your real friends, the ones who want to see you progress will be there ready to party at your house warming! People that care always celebrate growth. And once you’re on the other side of the construction you begin to notice you have more room to entertain. Your heart is larger and your capacity to love has magnified. Then you discover you’re looking at your past and future from a brand new perspective. It’s amazing what a splash of paint or new curtains can do for a place. Your love life and friendships take on a new freshness with your recent remodeling.

During the promo shoot, we had a blast brainstorming these cool analogies. We all could think of a time when we went through our own remodeling. For some it was about better business relationships, others it was a divorce or nasty break up. But the common thread was we all had to go through a similar process to come out better. And the good news for you is it may seem tough now, but when it’s over you will have a great cause to celebrate.

See you at the TOP!
Early Jackson

http://www.TheModernPrincess.Org

Making Love Happen

Tiara Talk LogoGreat day empowered peeps!

The ‘Making Love Happen’ Audio Program is AVAILABLE NOW!

In case you missed it, a couple of Thursdays ago I announced the release of the Making Love Happen audio program “Making Love Happen” so that you can watch the recording of our roundtable discussion as often as you would like and at your convenience.

In this high-value, content-rich audio program, I along with the other love experts give you the keys on how to:

making love happen

  • Completely eliminate fear to love again from your life
  • Speak your partner’s love language with ease
  • Open lines of communication for a romantically enhanced relationship
  • Boost your self-esteem and walk into a room with confidence
  • Unveil the joyful and fulfilling life you have always wanted

And much more…

If you’re looking to create an intimate, honorable relationship with someone who adores and loves you for you, then you owe it to yourself to own this audio bundle TODAY.

Read all of the steamy details HERE.

Don’t forget to join the Making Love Happen Discussion Forum on Facebook. Simply go to http://www.facebook.com/groups/MakingLoveHappen/ and request to join the private group. Our love coaches will be there to answer your questions and guide you through the relationship waters successfully. We can’t wait to interact with you there!

No matter what the circumstance or situation, you deserve to love and be loved again. So go right now and purchase your audio set, you’ll be glad you did! Remember, 2014 is the year to invest and cultivate relationships that matter!

….and of course don’t forget to join “The Modern Princess” movement  for empowering information by following this blog, joining us on Twitter and Facebook and more importantly by grabbing your copy of the book!

See you at the TOP!
Early & Cherese