I recently did some promo shooting for my new relationship book, The Modern Princess: A 21st Century Guide To Fairy Tale Relationships. As I met with the production team we settled on a location in our offices that were still being remodeled. The primes was a two part shoot showing both the section under construction and the remodeled portion. I instantly recognized a few vital keys to relationships especially when things seem to be going through a remodeling stage.
Here’s the real deal, we all bring a certain amount of crap and debris with us into any relationship. It’s just a fact of life. Where we have been and who we were connected to play a major role in shaping our belief system about love. That in turn develops our tendencies and affects our current relationships. It is going to take some construction, or as I like to put it, a “process” to really prepare for new love.
I love the word process because I have learned it simply means a series of procedures to produce a finished product. Notice it is a series of things that bring about a finished product. This means anything worth having; any one worth loving must go through their own process to be ready to receive it. That’s the difference between authentic and fake. Authentic things are costly because they’ve endured a process. Now they have lasting power. Things that are authentic can be passed on to grandchildren as heirlooms. But not the cheap stuff!
Being under construction means three (3) things:
- You will have to move some things around: You know how it is when you have a space in your home neatly put together, only to discover there are some flooring or pipe issues. So now you have to disturb your little set up and move things around. It totally disrupts your flow. You had it all together, but things beyond your control required you to make moves. In love it is the same way. If you are ever going to connect with someone on a deeper level, it will take you going through some self construction. To those around you it appears you have it all together, but you know there is a lot of work to be done behind the scenes.
- It requires time to clean up: Ok you are knee deep into a project only to realize you are making just a big of a mess as the one you’re trying to fix. That’s OK. You are in the process and that can get messy. When you start moving things around in the home, you find dirt and grime you didn’t know you had. So it is in love. You move things around in your heart and there will be piles of junk hiding everywhere. Deal with it. Now is the time to sweep the floors and get some dusting done.
- At times, it will inconvenience you and others: When you are remodeling, you may have to use a neighbor’s bathroom or even spend a few nights at a hotel. Its par for the course. So you can expect some inconveniences that go along with remodeling your love life as well. People that used to benefit from your dysfunctions will now have to get their kicks another way. You won’t be available for their junk. Your own heart will even hurt at times. Why? Because you’re used to a certain response from a mate. But remember, if you do what you’ve always done you’re bound to get what you’ve always gotten.
The awesomeness of a remodel is this; once it’s done its time to throw a party. Your real friends, the ones who want to see you progress will be there ready to party at your house warming! People that care always celebrate growth. And once you’re on the other side of the construction you begin to notice you have more room to entertain. Your heart is larger and your capacity to love has magnified. Then you discover you’re looking at your past and future from a brand new perspective. It’s amazing what a splash of paint or new curtains can do for a place. Your love life and friendships take on a new freshness with your recent remodeling.
During the promo shoot, we had a blast brainstorming these cool analogies. We all could think of a time when we went through our own remodeling. For some it was about better business relationships, others it was a divorce or nasty break up. But the common thread was we all had to go through a similar process to come out better. And the good news for you is it may seem tough now, but when it’s over you will have a great cause to celebrate.
See you at the TOP!