From the Bar to the Bedroom: The Truth “About Last Night”

www.themodernprincess.orgIt seems my idea to slip out and catch a funny romantic comedy wasn’t so unique. In fact, I along with millions did the exact same thing over Valentine’s Day weekend. We all took in Kevin Hart alongside a star studded cast including Michael Ealy in About Last Night. Grossing just over 27 million, many agree it has done “justice” to the 1986 original which featured Rob Lowe and Demi Moore. This time around, director Steve Pink went with a comedic cast living in an upscale area of Los Angeles.

As far as plots go, About Last Night doesn’t take the viewers on an unfamiliar journey. There are a lot of things that are fairly predictable but with a cast led by Hart and his rapid fire wisecrack delivery, you will find yourself laughing out loud constantly! These four hapless lovers find themselves managing life and emotions after hooking up. What makes it even more stressful is they all rushed into it after the first date. Things escalate beyond their wildest dreams as the two couple’s watch each other implode on an epic proportion.

The Modern princessAs I watched the film, it began to remind me very closely of the situations from my latest relationship book titled The Modern Princess: A 21st Century Guide To Fairy Tale Relationships in which I talk about the plight of women in the dating world. Dating is a contact sport and sometimes there are casualties. While main characters Bernie and Joan are more evident as the volatile couples, Debbie and Danny aren’t too far behind in the “crazy” department. The movie held an underline theme of just how important our expectations, character and close friendships are on our relationships. Here are a few things I think we all can take away about relationships:

One night stands are not a healthy measuring point for relationship compatibility: Of course the movie made light of the fact that both main couples met and with their first date made the decision to hook up and immediately hooked up. In my personal and professional opinion, this is probably one of the most misleading factors in building a solid relationship. When sex is introduced too soon in the developmental processes, it muddies the senses to reality. Feelings can become amplified and taken out of context. It’s like doing the whole dating thing out of order.

You put your partner in an awkward position when you tell their friends all your business: Bernie told private details to Danny, than Danny shared them with Debbie. It was only a matter of time before Joan found out that Bernie told Danny and even Debbie knew. You get the point. In a couple, the objective is to be moving forward towards building trust and credibility with each other. When one or more parties put too much info out there it creates tension on everyone. The cycle of relationships can get ugly, and when you share everything about this to your friends, it’s going to get very messy.

In real life, major fights and differences are no joking matter: I think I laughed so hard I cried at the cursing match Bernie had with Joan when they fought. They are like the neighbors no one wants to live near. Loud, profane and merciless, they made us all think of “those couples” we all know. The deal is in real life, this is not anything to laugh about. When you’re in a situation and it gets toxic, it’s time to go. No question about it. We all argue, disagree and give each other the cold shoulder. But don’t mistake average relational ups and downs to physical and verbal abuse. You should never feel unsafe around someone you’re building a future with.

The bottom line is, if you need a good laugh and want to make fun of people totally bombing in relationships; About Last Night is the movie for you. The whole cast did an incredible job of producing material that was entertaining yet thought provoking. Although subtle, it leaves us looking at our own relationships and making sure we are at least trying to be open and honest with those we choose to be with.

Don’t forget to review and grab the book at www.themodernprincess.org

See ya at the top!

Early

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How to Bounce Back After Divorce

tiara 2We live in a world fascinated with consignment. Everyone loves to get a bargain on something they consider a luxury. Some however view this same situation as ‘used’ or second-hand. No matter how you slice it, just because something or someone has a history is no reason their next days can’t be their best days.

I often share candidly the fact that I was married before. I spent nearly 10 full years with the same woman while actively participating in raising three awesome children. To some, most of those years were spent in marital bliss, but quite often we were at each other’s throats. Add in the pressures apparent in our church organization and you have a dangerous cocktail. We realized mutually that the children were to be the main factor and we were thrust into a status as divorced. This was a transition in my life I had no point of reference to go by. But ready or not, this was my reality.

Many are concerned and even bewildered with how to navigate through the explosive field of divorce. The reality is, every situation is different and must be viewed as such. What you can find is a point of reference that helps guide you along the way. For example, here are a few things I learned that may empower you if this is the season you’re in:

  • Remember no matter what, this is the person you chose to marry: Things may not be coming up roses at the moment, but at some point you professed your love to them. There is no need to go ‘Rambo’ now! This is just another evolution of yourself so go with the flow and prepare to move forward.
  • Live for today, plan for a better tomorrow: You don’t want to speak words of hurt that you cannot retract and will be forced to live with later. Many throw caution to the wind and devastate someone, only to have to come back and ask forgiveness.
  • If you have children, it’s ALL about the children now: That person that you feel you can’t stand is still your partner in parenting for the rest of your children’s lives. This means, no matter what happens, keep it civil for their sake. Nothing destroys your credibility with kids quicker than hearing the poisonous words from your broken relationship.
  • Get your own friends to vent with: It may be very tempting to share ‘grown up’ stuff with your kids. Especially if the other parent is not living up to their end of agreements, but you must not leak this into the ears of the kids. Get your own support group, go vent with adults who can separate facts from feelings and offer assistance. But DO NOT use your kids as a sounding board.

Fast forward three years and I decided to take the plunge again. This is uncharted territory for my new wife, no kids and never married. Many questioned did she really know what she was getting into? Could she handle the ‘baby momma’ drama?

These were all questions we discussed together, and along our journey we began to see a pattern for both our successes and failures. We learned that our discussions and even arguments were leaving clues of what to do, and not do. If we could simply identify these markers, we could live a life of peace, on purpose! Here are a few things we found helpful:

  • The lines of communication have to be clearly open: We found that the bulk of our disagreements came when either of us was not clear on a particular thing. It sounds simple, but it can be very difficult to remember that what you mean and what you say have to line up. If not, you leave your partner confused.
  • Make sure that outside influences do not ruin the relationship: This was a big one for me. There were times where my actions sent the signal that someone else’s opinion was great than my wife’s. I totally missed that the leading language of love is “affirmation.” And without it, she felt unsafe. When your partner doesn’t feel safe, the foundation of the union is shaky.
  • Make the investment in new customs and traditions: When my wife and I began our new relationship, we realized we both came from different family dynamics. Even the locations of our families were on opposite ends of the states. We decided very quickly that we would develop our own holiday rituals and celebrate our own way. Instead of wrestling with where are we going, and who we would spend time with, we planned fun things for us to do. This allowed us the time needed to really bond as a “blending family.”

There are many obstacles ahead of anyone who has had the misfortune of divorce. No matter how mutual, divorce is a tremendous thing. It affects both families, and children if present. If not handled, and time allotted to properly process the event, it can leave deep scars. I am grateful I sought coaching and guidance from qualified individuals to help me navigate. Although I experienced a divorce, I never lost hope in the institution of marriage. I still believe there is life, after any loss.

See you at the TOP!

Early Jackson

Welcome to February Empowered People!

tiara 2For many, this month is all about the LOVE. From movie trailers, commercials on television and the influence of family, it can be a ton of pressure. Especially if you find yourself single. I want to encourage all of you who are still in the status of “Looking for love” by offering first dibs on my new relationship book, The Modern Princess: The 21st Century Guide To Fairy Tale Relationships.

The Modern Princess

Be one of the first to get access to information that can potentially make an impact on who and how you date. My goal has always been to make dating a safe place. It’s a jungle out there and we all want to be successful. Relationships are the cornerstone of everything we do. So over the next few weeks I will be sharing extensively on how to develop a better dating environment. Here are a couple of ideals I will share to get the ball rolling.

  • Tip #1: When searching for a potential date, think about the standard you are looking for, and with that in mind, never lower them just to get a date.
  • Tip #2: How you start is how you finish. Trust your gut, if something doesn’t feel right, don’t ignore it. We are usually frustrated later because we didn’t act on what we felt we should have.
  • Tip #3: Dating is a pre-curser for marriage. It shouldn’t become a sport to see how many dates you can go on or attain. Limit yourself a little, make choices based on the type of person you could see yourself developing a strong bond with.

There are more tips to come. For now, make sure to visit my website, TheModernPrincess.org, as well as social media outlets to stay updated on local events, book signings and FREE giveaways. We are going to make dating fun and exciting again!

See you at the TOP!

Early